Friday, August 28, 2009
After battling for several months, Balloon Goes Bang's overworked team of in-house psychiatrists have finally managed to identify and document the full extent of our staff's mental health problems. It ain't pretty. Apparently we collectively suffer from a wide spectrum of disorders that together form a whole new classification of extreme negativity they're calling Cynical cuntism.
They've told us that we need to go lie down in a darkened room for a while, at least until we are well enough to type again. Apparently it isn't normal to get electric shocks from your keyboard because you're crying on it too much. They're also advising that we try to stop drinking so many beer and gin boilermakers - especially for breakfast - regardless of the drink's status as official Balloon Goes Bang "Cocktail of the Month" for August. And September.
Is this the end of the Bang, or merely a hiatus? Only time and agricultural-grade antidepressants know the answer to that. In the meantime, please send get-well cards, hate mail, and large cash contributions towards our spiralling medical bills to the usual address.