Friday, June 19, 2009

So you want to JOIN PETA

Is being a sanctimonious, self-satisfied, yogurt-knitted moaner on your own not good enough for you? Do you feel the need to spout your pious, wholemeal moralizing as part of a group? Do you want to prove to the world that the misguided dietary preferences of a bunch of over-privileged whiners can be even more annoying than we all thought possible?

Of course you do.

We know, we know. Because animals are great, blah blah, cows have such soulful eyes, chickens are mistreated, lambs are cute, pigs are clever, fish are ... you know ... sort of good, foie gras is so beastly and tasty and so on and so forth and so boring. Done, snooze, skip to the end.

Because here's something you might not have taken into account: PETA sucks. Really. Think about it. For all those years of indignant, shrill, irritating, self-righteous, disproportionate, poorly targeted, hysterical nagging and whining ... what has the organization actually achieved? Answer: Not a lot. In fact, the only thing it manages to do on a consistent basis is annoy reasonable people who might otherwise have had some small morsel of sympathy for your ill-judged point of view.

So please realize that, no matter what you might think about fur, there are better ways of getting your point across. And trust us when we say that flashing your skinny vegan grumble bumps around town is only going to advertise the value of eating red meat to anyone who sees you.