Friday, May 8, 2009

So you want to be a JOURNALIST

It's never gonna happen. Seriously. I mean, are you completely retarded?

First up, the bad news: There are about three million dumb students out there who have the same idea, so you'd better be prepared for a little competition.

Second, the worse news: Newspapers are dying. Haven't you heard? No, of course not. And you want to be a fucking reporter.

My advice? Give up. Now.

But you won't, because you have a dream la-dee-fucking-da.

So here's all you have to do: Sneak into a newspaper office, and start journalizing. It's easy. Anyone can do it, and there are plenty of free desks. You can wear a Trilby hat, and stick a post-it marked "press" to it if you really want. Or you can even sit around in a clown suit and surf for kiddie porn. The few paid staff still there will be too demoralized to even notice.

Of course, you won't actually get paid. Not ever. Welcome to your new life as a journalist.