Sorry, no, our mistake. You don't want an iPhone. You need one, right?
Because you need to be able to connect to the internet every single minute of every single day. Because you need to post twatface updates about every half-formed fart of a thought that pops into your tiny mind. Because you need a clever gadget to tell you complicated stuff like where you are and what direction you're facing. Because you need to carry around a shiny little toy that proclaims "I am an easily distracted, self-obsessed cunt bubble" so you don't have to stop reading your emails or playing stupid games long enough to shout the words yourself. And, most of all, because you really need to give those kids who hang around at the end of your street one more reason to commit violent crime.
Sent from my iPhone