So you want to DESTROY AMERICA

Think Balloon Goes Bang is written by a bunch of dirty cynics? Well it is, but we've got nothing on some of the mentally ill nihilists writing for Slate these days. One particular fatalistic fucknut called Josh Levin has been impressing us with his angst-fueled series The End of America 2009: How it's going to happen.

How indeed? Joshtradamus outlines various cataclysmic possibilities in detail, but our favorite part is the fun Choose Your Own Apocalypse game. Using your skill and judgment, you pick the specific disasters you think will precipitate complete collapse. Unfortunately there's no explicit category for "idiocy," but our own choices of doom-mongering scenarios generated this scarily perceptive piece of psychoanalysis in reply:

"You are a bloodthirsty misanthrope. You believe mankind is stupid and fallible and that America will destroy itself in a bloody mess. You'll know you're right when: The United States succumbs to a torrent of Russian nukes; we clone ourselves, get bum genes, and die."

Yup, that sounds about right.